You will be as surprised to hear this, as I was to feel it, but I'm actually not that excited for school to start next week. I am excited, but I'm lots of other things, too. Nervous. Anxious. Sad. Reflective. Nostalgic. You-name-it. Rojo will start in a program I worked years to help create. I vacillate between, "Yea! Finally!" to "OMG, I hope they aren't sorry! This is a lot of responsibility! I sold them a bill of goods!"
Then there's the fact that Woohoo starts her senior year of high school, and this will be the one and only year they'll be together there. While doing some preliminary clearing in the basement, I found the scrapbook I made of her K-8 years. (It is the one and only scrapbook I've ever in my life made.) It's true what they say, the years fly by. Soon she will be out the door and on to college, and life under our roof will never look the same for her, for us, forever.
As rough as this summer began, it has ended up being lovely. Rojo has gained so much independence and maturity, he needs me a fraction of what he started out needing, which is to say, a round-the-clock playmate/entertainer/driver/etc. He gives me several breaks a day and if the weather stayed lovely and he could "work" four hours a day and spend the rest at the dog park, he'd be happy, and so would I. It makes me think of all kinds of jobs that would be perfect for him after high school, and realize I don't need him to be gone all day every day, just consistently so we both have routine and breathers.
I asked him this weekend how he was feeling about high school. "Are you excited? Are you scared?"
"Each of both," he said.
My friend Terry has a family expression, "Each of each." When asked, "Do you want ice cream or pie?" and the answer is you would really go for a little of both, the answer to such (silly) questions is, "Each of each." I've been thinking a lot about that expression and Rojo's new Rojo-ism, "each of both," and thinking just how apt they are. It's not one or the other. It's not even simply "both." It's each of both, each of each.
* Photo from http://www.makeuptalk.com
5 comments:
As I read your posting today, Carrie, I could feel myself begin to relax. A sense of ease and contentment filled me from pores to the deep down center where Oneness dwells.
I am happy for you and for Rojo and for your family.
For me, your posting shows the simplicity and truth of what Juliana of Norwich said so many centuries ago: "And all shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceedingly well."
Peace.
I am so excited for this new chapter. You've worked hard for it and I hope you just ease into it without a hitch. He's really growing up.
Rojo is my favorite language.
I love this place you've come to. I hope that when school starts you can sit back and relax and revel in the knowledge that you have done so much good - so much hard work. This will benefit so many people and it is such a tribute to you and your determination and love that it happened at all.
Love to you all.
I feel like I've been reading your blog for so long, Carrie, and your evolution is just so evident. I am so impressed, in awe actually, of it -- it gives me strength and hope and inspiration as I make my own path. Thank you.
And good luck to Rojo each of both.
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