Thursday, February 24, 2011
I am very, very bad at a very long list of things, and as it turns out, many of those are pretty much life skills: cooking, even a crude sense of direction and with alarming increase, memory of any sort.
When I was visiting Terry I was wiping off the kitchen counter with a soapy sponge. “I wish you lived here,” she said with sincerity.
“It’s one of the very few things I do well,” I said, to which she said, “True,” which is true, and she is the truth teller, and that is just one of the many things she does well. I was not offended. It is true. I am excellent at wiping down a surface. Now, while that comes in handy several (hundreds) of times a day, it is not all that great or useful in the overall scheme of things.
I honestly don’t think I am any longer hirable. I have no job skills to speak of, and forget about being technologically minded. There is literally no job on the planet, that I am aware of, for which I am qualified.
Don’t get me wrong; I think I’m it on a stick. This is not about my self-esteem, which is excellent and in very good working order. I have just slowly and surely come to understand and accept that I have my own set of challenges, and that is okay. One of the many gifts of having a child with challenges, is over time, you just don’t care anymore about the things at one time you cared very much about: keeping up, looking good, and being normal.
My conversation with Terry turned into what I am good at, and the thing that is most interesting to me about that process, was not only how hard it was to come up with a list of more than a few things, but to look at the list and be good with it. Here's what I mean: what I am good at, I am very good at, and recognizing my strengths and not only acknowledging them but being good with them, was harder than recognizing and being good with my weaknesses. Why is it that we, as humans, find it easier to list and accept our weaknesses, than to list and accept our strengths, not only accept, but really step into? Really become our highest selves by embracing our path, the one our strengths help illuminate?