Monday, November 1, 2010

Awakening



Since the day I admitted you didn't have to go to college to be a dad, Rojo has reminded us frequently that he is not going then. This weekend he told STM, "Dad, I'm not going to college. I'm going to be a dad. I'm not going to college."

"That's okay," STM said, "you don't have to go to college.

"But you want Woohoo to go to college, don't you want me to go to college?"

"Well, you can go to college if you want to, but you don't have to," STM reassured.

"But if Woohoo has to go, why don't I have to go?" he pushed.

"Because school is really hard for you," STM said.

Rojo smiled and seemed satisfied with this answer.

Friday after our last Halloween Carnival, I brought home my banana-clad boy and he said, "Mom, high school is going to make me sad."

"Sad? Because you will miss this school?"

"Sad because of all the work. It's going to be hard."

"What if I get you help? I will make sure you have helpers."

"My same helpers I have now?"

"No, probably different helpers, but people that will really make sure the work isn't too hard."

"But will there be a Resource Room?"

"I'm working on that, Honey, I'm working on that."

"I really need a Resource Room."

Later STM and I were comparing our two conversations and I said they were pretty much flattening me. "Really? I think they're great," he said. "They show that he's got a growing awareness. He's maturing. He's understanding himself. That's good, right?"

Right.

I guess.

12 comments:

Jan said...

I'm with STM on this one. Even though I know how hard it is to see it.

xo

Deb Shucka said...

Love.

deb said...

oh,
this is powerful. I'm with you I think.

Elizabeth said...

I'm with you, too. I get that he's becoming more self-aware, but that makes mamas sorrowful as much as it makes them relieved.

kario said...

I think that maybe the reason STM sees it the way he does is because he doesn't have the need to try and 'fix' it. I know you well enough to know that you're killing yourself trying to set everything up so that there WILL be a resource room and helpers while STM can just sit back and trust that it will all be okay. Go sit next to him for a while and see if some of that rubs off...

Love you.

Janna Qualman said...

Self-awareness is such a big part, no matter who.

Jerri said...

Breathe.

Again.

One more time.

Sending you Light and Love and peace.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

I'm with you. While the self-awareness is important, it just pains me whenever Nigel mentions his "difference," as he calls it. Love.

jess said...

Right. 100% right. But it hurts like a summabitch. Hugs.

Lilith said...

He is no different than your daughter. The world will hurt him sometimes and he will fall sometimes, but that is part of growing up. It's so hard to let our kids go. I see Katie and she has grown since she left our house. She has become more independent and I'm thankful for that. She's also had many bad days but we can't protect our kids from suffering, no matter how much we want to.

Sending you a hug. I know it's scary and it hurts, but it will work out. Remember to trust Mary.

Amber said...

He will be okay.
He will be okay.
He will be okay.

No matter how, he will be. He is not alone. You are not alone.

He will be okay.

:)

Wanda said...

Ah...the polarities.