Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Darkness


Ever since we moved the clocks back, I am so aware of how many waking hours of the day are dark. It's dark when I get up. It's dark before dinner. It's dark even when it's light some days, lights are necessary during the day, headlights on the car, candles, anything to bring light to the darkness.

We are going through a time around here where there are more questions than answers, where there is a nothing-more-we-can-do feeling conflicting with a strong there-must-be-more-that-we-can-do sense. In essence, we are in a period of waiting and darkness. The path is not illuminated, yet we know it is there.

This morning I was in my converted closet/prayer room and Flicka pushed through the door and joined me.  Rojo was right behind her. It was early in the morning and I had several candles going in there. Rojo, super hyper and wound up, quickly blew out all the candles, jumped around, made a mess, then left, leaving Flicka behind. Flicka curled up in a ball close to me, but I couldn't see her at all in the pitch dark. Not even her eyes shone. Still, I knew she was there, I could sense her, even though no part of her was actually touching any part of me. There was simply a there-ness to her.

Before STM and Woohoo left for school and work, we sat down for our family prayer time. Again we were in the dark except for candles, and a little growing daylight coming through the windows. Rojo pulled his angel card-of-the-day and for the third day in a row, he pulled Expectancy.

As I struggle to believe in what I cannot see but can only feel, he does not struggle whatsoever. He has a positive expectancy. He does not need to rely on faith because there is no question in his mind that things will work out any way but good. Scratch that, he believes they will work exactly the way they are intended to, according to some divine plan that is none of his business and not his problem.

In the dark he is not in darkness. He's expectant.

Lord,
Open our eyes to see beauty,
Open our ears to hear truth,
Open our minds to seek wisdom,
Open our mouths to speak kindness,
And open our hearts to love.

Amen.

11 comments:

Deb Shucka said...

Praying alongside you, that in this darkness you know light shines for you and your family, and that you'll bask in its warmth soon.

Jen said...

Amen.

Wanda said...

Bless you...and all of yours. Scratch Flicka for me and know that I pray for The Light in the midst of this darkness, too.

kario said...

"...according to some divine plan that is none of his business and not his problem." Man, I love that! It's been a little while since a Rojo-ism spoke to me so clearly and eloquently, but this one took up root in my belly. Thank you.

Sitting with you and Flicka in the darkness.

Kim said...

Amen.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

"The path is not illuminated, yet we know it is there" - I love you for that and so many other things.

Elizabeth said...

I wish I could come visit you and your family in your prayer closet. You've described so beautifully what my own family, I think, is going through -- without any of that grace.

adiaryofamom said...

he IS the light.

and thereness might be my new favorite word.

adiaryofamom said...

the post i read right after yours.

http://rhemashope.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/on-relearning/#comment-4599

no accidents.

love.

Amber said...

"Scratch that, he believes they will work exactly the way they are intended to, according to some divine plan that is none of his business and not his problem."--

Lord, help us all be more like your child, Rojo.

Amen.

:)

Lilith said...

I made a conscious decision to quit struggling a few days ago and I feel better. I've been struggling with all the unknowns in my own life as well and it's gotten me nowhere. Time to accept and be.

I'm hoping it works for you as well. Sending hugs.