Thursday, July 19, 2012

College Angst

I think I'm nothing but excited for Woohoo and the fact she's about to leave for college in, gulp, a month from Saturday. My nightmares say otherwise. Night after night I'm in college. I'm in huge, rambling, weird and wrong dorm rooms. I'm 49 and living in a sorority with 60 teenagers. I can't find my classes, forgot to study for the final, forgot to go to class in the first place, etc.

I do, in the light of day, realize she is the one going to college, and this is not about me.

I'm glad she is going to college really close to home (really, really close). It helps, psychologically, to know that I'm right here if she needs anything. If anything, I'm afraid I've under-prepared her for life on her "own." In some ways, as a special needs sibling, she's had to fend for herself in ways her peers have not. In other ways, because I have to do everything for Rojo - literally, do his thinking for him, it's hard not to carry that over to Woohoo - doing for her things she could, and should, do for herself.

STM reminded me of something I know, but choose to forget: if I never let her fall, she'll never know how to get back up. She'll never know how to rely on herself. She'll never know that making mistakes, changing course, righting the ship, is all part of life - actually, it is life.

And so, in a few short weeks, she will be living life - ready or not, here she comes.

5 comments: said...

She's ready. You've been an incredible mom. She's ready.

Now go study for your final, and remember to put your clothes on before going to class.

kario said...

Oh, God! I am so identifying with this right now because I'm having a hard time remembering that Eve is not me. Maybe I can grow up now while she's in middle school and not have so much angst when she heads to college.

I am so excited for her, and thrilled for you that she's going to be close. I can't imagine how I'd feel if one of my girls chose a college hundreds or thousands of miles away.

Amber said...

You're killing me Smalls.

She is going to be FINE.


Nancy said...

Right There With You! Trevor leaves 4 weeks from Saturday and will be almost 5 hours away- 30 min from the Canadian border! If you could see the lists I have made and the pile of "stuff" I have accumulated that he doesn't even know he needs! I have lists of lists now and am walking the halls with you in the nightime! I too have the dreaded final where I forgot to go to class all semester! Could it be that this is normal? I feel better seeing you writing it :)

terry said...

This is so funny. Sophie thinks I should go with her--but then worries I'd be more popular and I'd be throwing too many parties in her room!