I think I'm nothing but excited for Woohoo and the fact she's about to leave for college in, gulp, a month from Saturday. My nightmares say otherwise. Night after night I'm in college. I'm in huge, rambling, weird and wrong dorm rooms. I'm 49 and living in a sorority with 60 teenagers. I can't find my classes, forgot to study for the final, forgot to go to class in the first place, etc.
I do, in the light of day, realize she is the one going to college, and this is not about me.
I'm glad she is going to college really close to home (really, really close). It helps, psychologically, to know that I'm right here if she needs anything. If anything, I'm afraid I've under-prepared her for life on her "own." In some ways, as a special needs sibling, she's had to fend for herself in ways her peers have not. In other ways, because I have to do everything for Rojo - literally, do his thinking for him, it's hard not to carry that over to Woohoo - doing for her things she could, and should, do for herself.
STM reminded me of something I know, but choose to forget: if I never let her fall, she'll never know how to get back up. She'll never know how to rely on herself. She'll never know that making mistakes, changing course, righting the ship, is all part of life - actually, it is life.
And so, in a few short weeks, she will be living life - ready or not, here she comes.