Letting Go

So, had a great trip to Philly to see Toeless. As an extra bonus, I planned my trip to route through Minneapolis/St. Paul with a long layover. My agent lives there, and we were able to have a delightful two hours together catching up, laughing, talking shop and just enjoying each other's company. Super fun. She is full of good ideas and determination to get this book "out." If anyone can, she can! Go ahead and light the Marys, though, if you're so inclined. "Let it be," is my prayer for the book. Whatever "be" is. I no longer MUST have it published to consider myself a "real" writer. By the same token, I am no longer holding it back energetically because I'm afraid. I've let it go. And it feels great.


Terry and I had 3 full days together. We slept in, drank excellent coffee from carefully selected mugs, went for long walks, showered about 2 PM and then started Wine O'Clock by 5 (although in four nights we didn't even finish 2 bottles). Really, it's just impossible not to have fun when you're with Toeless. Impossible. I laugh just thinking about her. And laugh we did. At one point we had that intoxicating can't catch your breath, can't stop howling, tears pouring down your face and snot running down your nose kind of five minute laugh. Your basic heavenly experience.

We did have plenty of HDRs, though, too, it wasn't solid hilarity. We actually got into it immediately when she picked me up from the airport, and she said, "It's amazing what happens when you stop white knuckling it." She was talking about business, clients, making everyone happy, and I thought about how far I've come in being good with the outcome of my book.

Not enough can be made of the fact that when I met Terry 17 years ago, she worried all the time about two things: her weight and money. Year after year during my visits these worries were ever-present, until a few years ago she consciously decided to stop fixating on her weight. She hasn't gained a pound since doing so. Then she let go of her anxiety around money - the scarcity mentality - gone. Poof. Her expenses have, and will, only go up (she has a son going to NYU in the fall). Her fear that there will not be enough, however, has only gone down.

You can read all the self-help books, listen to all the experts, know that it's true, but to behold it for yourself when you see a loved one profoundly lighter, is powerful.