Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My Old Friend
My old friend, anxiety, is back. She is making my arms tingle, my heart race, my stomach churn. She taunts me in my sleep, awakening me in a dead panic at least once a night.
Struggled with anxiety my whole life, came to a peak almost ten years ago, exactly. Started doing the math yesterday (anxiety loves to run numbers), realized it was as I approached 39 that she really went nuts. I am fast approaching 49. She's right on time.
About to say goodbye to another decade and hello to the next one. About to launch my oldest off to college. About to see Rojo's years of formal education wind down, not up. About to move into a different stage with our marriage and parenting, while we will still have one at home (and may always), we will no longer be really "raising" kids.
We have three parents in their 80's, it's only a matter of time until their needs become greater and our roles shift in those relationships, too.
STM is concluding a project he's worked for years on. He will be starting "next."
Although I may need to revisit the idea of medication, I am hoping to avoid that. Scheduled an appointment with the naturopath. Going to try to do this "naturally."
Going to spend more time in meditation and less in my car racing from silly errand to silly errand (i.e. three trips to Safeway in 24 hours).
Going to take more slow walks with the dog - let her sniff to her hearts content and let that time be an opportunity for deep breathing, as opposed to utter exasperation.
Going to drink more herbal tea and less coffee.
Going to stop making lists of what I'm going to do, and just...