Never did it, and that was years, and what feels like lifetimes, ago.
It's about a lot of things, this resistance to being selfish: my concept of selfish (bad), my misunderstanding of being Selfish vs. selfish, my confusion over what is being self-loving/caring vs. what is being selfish. It's about my own bias against those I perceive as self-absorbed/self-involved and Selfish. All of that and none of that. It's about what I was taught as a child about God, it's about what I consider being a good mother/wife/friend/daughter. It's about guilt. It's about martyrdom.
For years I've had a book bubbling in me about Rojo and what I consider his divinity, his special needs that come with incredibly special gifts. I've tried not to write the book for a number of years. I wrote a whole different book instead. I've distracted and diverted myself in every way imaginable in an effort to do anything but write this book.
If you knew how many times a day my mind goes there, you'd have me hauled away in a straight jacket. As Rojo is talking I'm thinking of how to write that, where the commas go, the other punctuation, which parts of what he says to keep, which parts to drop, how much of his ADHD the reader can take without going crazy, that sort of thing. Every day, all day long, for years and years.
When I went to Iowa to work with 11 other memoirists and one gifted teacher, I went with 20 pages of what I was hoping might turn into that book someday. My pages got workshopped. My pages had life breathed back into them. My pages made me (for the first time in months) want to write more pages.
So. I have decided to turn this next school year into my Year of Being Selfish. I am going to go big with the question, "Does this serve my needs?" when asked to do one of the many things I get asked to do on any given day/week/month/year. If the answer is "no," then I'm not going to do it.
I am going to write this book. The book may never be great, never be sold, never be read, never be anything but out of me and onto the page. And that will be enough.
* Photo from http://www.madebyhans.com