Friday, September 27, 2013

Judgmental Giving

I don't know if you caught the Oprah's Lifeclass with Brene Brown, or know of Dr. Brene Brown's work, but I am a big fan. She said something that really has me thinking, and I'm paraphrasing, but the essence was, if you can't ask for help, that's because you have a judgment about what help is and who needs it. Therefore, when you give, you are always giving with judgment.

At first I thought about all the ways she was wrong, and then I realized that was just a defense mechanism, because she's so right. At the very least, we judge giving help as good, and asking for help as bad.

Thoughts?


5 comments:

Courtney said...

LOVE Brene Brown. Loved what she had to say about friends needing to deserve your vulnerability. You know she's doing a second Oprah appearance, week after next, I think...

fullsoulahead.com said...

I saw the show and agreed, with the caveat that sometimes we don't ask for help because we've been let down do many times, we are protecting ourselves from being hurt.

Elizabeth said...

So interesting. When I made the video "Extreme Parenting Video Project," the most common contribution was the message "Ask for help," or "Accept help." I'm not sure if this is a uniquely American phenomenon or not -- our culture of individuality certainly has its glories, but sometimes I wonder.

kario said...

She is truly amazing and I love how clearly she makes her point on everything from shame to self-care to vulnerability. I am taking a class with a friend of hers right now on self-care for mothers and am surprised to discover that it is still so hard for me to ask for help. I agree with Michelle's notion, too, but I think even that has some congruence with Brene's point. I know in my case, if I dig deeply enough to discover why I think I've been hurt, it is essentially because I believed that I wasn't worthy of help which leads to her point that I must think that only some people are worthy of it and others aren't. Sad stuff when I think about it that way.

Tanya Savko said...

I totally agree with fullsoulahead. I unfortunately found myself in that camp last night when I got up the courage to ask for help when I really needed it and was turned down. It's happened before with other people in my life, so I usually don't bother asking for help.