Top 10 Ways to Torture a Parent

10. Evaluate your beloved child

9. Be relentless in identifying each and every thing that child cannot do

8. Explain the child's deficits as though you, the parent, have never met the child

7. Be patronizing

6. Slap on a condescending smile when the parent "pretends" to have a clue

5. Pull out the IQ bell curve and keep pointing to where your child is on the curve

4. Make sure the bell curve chart is extra big, laminated, and in the middle of the table, lest you forget it's there

3. When the parent gives every single social cue known to man that it's time to move on, including saying, "Let's move on," ignore the parent and elaborate further just how "extremely low" the child is

2.  Remind parent that the child really relies upon the parent for most things, including most executive functioning, and that if that were to be taken away, the child would be up a creek without a paddle, but make it sound much, much worse than that

1. Repeat every three years