Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Back By Popular Demand




I wrote these YEARS ago, way before I even had a blog, and shared them with some friends. They continue to ask for them, so here they are (and they remain as true as they did then):

TOP 10 THINGS LIKELY TO BE SAID BY STM'S MOM ON THANKSGIVING:

10. The newspaper today was as thick as the Sunday paper with all those ads.

 9.  I think while all of those people are out shopping tomorrow, I'll just enjoy staying home.

 8. That button on the turkey already popped, and it can't possibly be done.

 7.  My mother used to serve creamed onions every year, and she was the only one that ate them.

 6.  I hope you all brought your Tupperware, there are going to be lots of leftovers!

 5.  The stores are all decorated for Christmas already!

 4.  That's enough salt, Papa!

 3.  This time we're having real butter.

 2.  I'm so full I couldn't eat another bite.

 1.  Who's ready for pie?




TOP 10 THINGS LIKELY TO BE SAID BY CARRIE'S MOM ON THANKSGIVING:

10.  Who thinks the new mayor is a closeted alcoholic?

 9.  What is going on with all these math labs? Do you realize the long-term implications of this epidemic?

 8.  There is a real spiritual deficit in this country. Did you know that Macy's won't even let their employees say, "Merry Christmas" now? They have to say, "Happy holidays."

 7.  Everywhere I go now there are these gambling places disguised as coffee shops. I thought we were keeping all this gambling within the Indian reservations to create jobs and help these poor people make something of their lives.

 6.  I am calling the cable company on Monday and canceling my subscription. Have you sen the rates?They just keep going up, while the quality of programming just keeps going down.

 5.  Who wants to call _______________ and wish them a happy Thanksgiving? I'm sure they are lonely and thinking of all of us while they are in rehab.

 4.  I can never eat enough to make it worth all the trouble of cooking a big Thanksgiving meal. Even if I could, who can enjoy eating knowing that one third of the world goes to bed hungry every night.

 3.  Oh, no salt for me! You know I have terrible blood pressure! I never salt anything, I haven't for years! Of course, I do love my chips!

 2.  I'm so full I can't eat another bite.

 1. I'm ready for pie!


5 comments:

terry said...

I'll have you know I read aloud to the family every year and we all have a "fat" laugh right there with you.

kario said...

Awesome! Thanks for sharing the laugh. Have a lovely Thanksgiving with whomever is speaking ;-)

Elizabeth said...

Wait -- do we have the same mother?

Jamie said...

Too funny! Happy Thanksgiving!

Amber said...

4 and 5, made me laugh!

Bless her soul.

:)