Monday, January 3, 2011

California or Bust!

Rojo goes back to school tomorrow after a 17.5 day "vacation." 2,000 races of MarioKart, a million trips to places like Plaid Panty and 7-11 later (to get random things, mostly gifts for people), he is packed and ready. Had his lunch made since 7:30 this morning. Uniform is hanging on his door knob. He actually said to me, "I can tell you're really ready for me to go to school tomorrow!" Then he proceeded to tell me more about his plans to move the whole family to California in seven years.

For the past 17.5 days I have heard quite a bit about the big move, and it goes a little something like this:

"Mom, we will move to California in seven years, when L. is out of high school (his "girlfriend" is in 5th grade). Before we have our three boys, Alexander, Michael and Brandon, I will be the ice cream truck man and L. will work in an office. You will help me drive the truck. I am not going to get my driver's license. Ever. L. will have a driver's license, though, and a cell phone. She will text. I will not text. I will not have a cell phone.

Everyone is coming with us. You, Dad, Woohoo, Flicka, Grandma, Papa, Grammy, Aunt J., everyone. Actually, Grandma, Papa and Grammy might not be around seven years from now, so probably not them. We will live in Anaheim. We will live in Disneyland. We will live in the hotel there. When I have my kids I will have a refrigerator in the room and I will just get my boys their drinks. I will get Alexander his water. I will get Michael his Vitamin Water, and I will get... who's that one on the left? Oh yea, Brandon, I will get Brandon his Gatorade.

We will need to get a gate for our yard so Flicka and my three boys can't get out. Let's buy a gate. Don't forget to buy the gate, okay, Mom? Promise you'll remember to buy a gate?

How long will it take to drive to Anaheim? Should we fly? What if I have to take a whiz? What if I am on the airplane going to our house at Disneyland, and I need to pee? How long is the plane going to take to get there? We will need to pack all our things and just boom, go straight to the airport when L. finishes  school.

L. is going to have a job in an office when we have our kids, and I am going to be the stay-at-home dad. If those kids start crying I am going to put them in daycare. If it is the weekend and L. is there I am just going to say, 'Hey, Babe, I'm going to Dairy Queen, I will be home in three hours. I can't take the crying.'

You are going to be Mrs. California, Mom, and I am going to be the Mr. My wife, L., will wear a bridal dress. She will be a bride.

What am I going to do with a pregnant wife? Who's going to go to the hospital with her? I'm staying at the hotel. You have to stay at the hotel with me. STM can go to the hospital with L. You and I will just wait at the hotel. Yea, STM can do that. I don't want to do that.

When my three boys are older they will have cell phones and they will text. I will not have a cell phone. I will not drive, but those boys will drive and they will have cell phones like L. But I will not."

I asked him just what was he going to do since he was going to use day care for the crying kids, not drive, not text, not go to the hospital, and of course the answer is obvious, he'll be at Disneyland!


Anonymous said...

I love when he says he "can't take the crying." It cracks me up.

"If those kids start crying I'm going to put them in daycare."

Why didn't I think of that?



Elizabeth said...

Holy shit. That's some kind of future. I hope you get to be the Queen.

Anonymous said...

i'm going to dairy queen

deb said...

I love the part about him not wanting to take a pregnant wife to the hospital.

It's all brilliant really.

I don't know if I could handle Disney for a day , let alone live there though...

Anonymous said...

I can tell you're ready for him to go to school as well.

You survived. Yay!

Jerri said...

This is hilarious.

And heartbreaking.


Wanda said...

Happy New Year! Only 7 to go.

kario said...

Ummm, yeah. Sounds like he has it all figured out. Is that what you do while he's at school - sit at Dairy Queen for three hours?

And, I don't know if this is some kind of Freudian slip, but in describing your holiday activities, you said you took him to "Plaid Panty." I hope you meant Pantry and you're not taking him to some adult sex shop... ;-)

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

What Jerri said. Definitely both. This is the part where we laugh and cry at the same time. Love.

andrea said...

I wish I knew what I would be doing in 7 years. And if my kids start crying, I think daycare it is! smart man.

Pie Maker said...

oh Carrie, the comedy and tragedy of our lives eh? But there's always love too, always love.

Amber said...

How come Rojo has his whole future plan, and I don't know what the hell I am doing from hour to hour??

More should be made of having a plan.


Anonymous said...

I love when you write about your kids. The stories are amazing. YOU are amazing.

Jenny said...

Ha ha ha. Ron hears a similar jabber from me all the time. We will move back to California and you can open a west coast office... and on and on. California is the best.

Deb Shucka said...

Would that it were that simple. Jerry's comment says it perfectly - hilarious and heart-breaking - which is just what your book will be, what your life is. Maybe what all our lives are?