Friday, December 10, 2010

Black, White, and Grey

A friend came up to me yesterday at a school gathering and asked if we could go for a walk, have coffee, something, and talk about some of the themes of my blog: motherhood, being over 40 (and damn near 50), mid-life, marriage, etc. Never had anyone tell me what they consider to be the themes of my blog before, and it was enlightening.

I've had people call my blog an autism blog, which in some ways it is, and in some ways it isn't, which all makes perfect sense to me at this stage of life. As I'm aggressively greying (and coloring) physically, I'm aggressively greying in all my thoughts and beliefs, too. Everything is a shade of grey with little or nothing being pure black or pure white.

When I started this blog almost five years ago, that was my first post, Shades of Grey. And although it's really true that the more I know the less I know. I know more, too. I know that love is all there is.

There are times I don't have a blog post to write because all I'm thinking is stuff I've already shared and shared and shared. Feels at times there isn't a single stone left to turn. Life with Rojo is repetitive and cyclical, too. Every year at Christmas time he sings, "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Jolly," and you already know that. Every year at Easter he asks the Easter Bunny, Devohn, to come to our house and hide eggs, and you already know that. Every year on his birthday we force him to reach some new milestone, and you already know that. You also know that I've been working and worrying and trusting and praying, begging and pleading and in all ways obsessed with where he will go to high school next year.

As I've been working on my "new" manuscript these last few months, I've pulled in lots of blog posts and even parts of my first manuscript. A friend and fellow writer told me that's what I would do, "You'll cannibalize what you've already written. Stuff that you didn't know what to do with before, or that didn't work then, will find it's way into your new work. There is no new. There is only old with a different perspective - time."

While reading through a bunch of stuff I've written the last several years, both here and "off line," I see just how much I've changed. Just how much Rojo has changed. Just how much my marriage has changed.

And it's really true what they say: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

* Photo from


Amber said...

" I'm aggressively greying in all my thoughts and beliefs, too. Everything is a shade of grey with little or nothing being pure black or pure white."--

This is what both Jesus and Buddha say. And now you. So it must be truth.


Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Congrats on the five years - you are amazing. Love your writing, love you - period.

Wanda said...

Can't wait to read the new book.

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Elizabeth said...

Holy shit.

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Anonymous said...

Katie's the same way. Life seems the same, always. But when I look back a year, two, ten, she has grown so much. It just takes her longer to grow.

And shakes of grey, they're beautiful, aren't they?

Ask Me Anything said...

Good one--loved reading the old post! You can see how far you've come!

kario said...

This blog is such a touchstone for me, my friend. No matter how many times you say things similar to what you've said before, there is always some new nugget of wisdom that astonishes me.

BTW, Lola sings "Deck the Halls with jars of peanut butter." (Tis the season for some jelly!)

Deb Shucka said...

Grey is the best color there is. And you wear it well.