Monday, August 15, 2016

Net Gain

Been awhile since I posted. Been busy and yet have had plenty of time to watch bad TV and in general, just goof off.

Summers are for that, goofing off.

Made a goal in May to read six books this summer. Just finished number six. That being said, two were Mindy Kaling's memoirs, and while delightful, hardly qualify as literature.

Don't feel much like doing anything that requires much brain power. Might be being over 50. Might be not being all that intelligent to begin with. Might be that at times it feels each and every thought I have, big or small, important or irrelevant, is interrupted and replaced with someone else's big or small, important or irrelevant thought.

Had a circular conversation yesterday over the change from a $5.00 bill. The ice cream truck came through the neighborhood for perhaps the second time all summer. Five notes in of, "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" and I'm in PTSD from the years and years and years of revolving our lives around whether or not the ice cream truck would come, when, and where. Gave Wil $5.00 and a drawstring bag, and told him to go find the truck on his bike.

We've come a long way.

He came back very happy, and had eaten a Minion treat that he said was $1.00. "I gave him $5.00 and he gave me back $2.50, because it was a dollar." No amount of me explaining it must have cost $2.50, since $2.50 plus $2.50 equalled $5.00, was accomplishing anything except making me want to stab myself.

I dropped it.

I was able to be happy that he had made it all happen without me. Without drama. Without stress. Without any working knowledge of basic, functional math, either, but without me.

Ran errands on Saturday morning, and he was prattling on and on about the fall football games coming up, his plans to have a sleep-over after every-other game, while simultaneously giving me Starbucks orders for people for whom he'd like to buy a treat. All of a sudden, he grins from ear-to-ear, joy in his voice and says, "I should marry myself 'cause everything good is happening to me."

My brain may be shot, but my heart and soul grow by the minute.


kario said...

You go, girl! I have had moments this summer where I started to feel guilty for doing not much of anything and then I decided that sometimes, going through my days just loving people and being ok with myself is a lot. I don't have to read Moby Dick or finish writing my memoir or do anything else right now that might seem lofty or important. Sometimes, I think we forget to rest on the foundations we've already set for ourselves and fully appreciate them. The fact that Wil can go to the ice cream truck, get what he wants, and return with any change at all is a testament to your years of hard work and persistent loving. Take the rest of the month off!

Love you.

Tanya Savko said...

"...he had made it all happen without me." Those are the things we live for. And there will be many more! Love to you.

Susan Crist said...

"I should marry myself" That is the best comment ever! I literally laughed out loud! Love this story. Thanks for the read. I challenged myself to read a book vs. People Magazine this year. I did it. I read Girl on the Train!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, each time you come here, however frequently, you GRACE us with your beautiful mind and heart.