Haven't been blogging for a number of reasons. I feel redundant, tired, discouraged, anything but inspirational. I could drag you all through that with me, but what would be the point? That's the other thing I feel - a sense of futility.
"You're in the dessert," my friend Candace said to me the other day. I had not thought about it in terms of that, but knew the minute she said it, that she was right. There is a sense of being dried up emotionally, creatively, energetically, intuitively, relationally, imaginatively, in all ways. Dried up.
I'm not feeling like the person I know myself to be. I know myself to be happy for others' successes. Excited about the future. Optimistic. I know myself to be resilient, steadfast, buoyant, even. I am none of those things at this time.
Went back to Wil's favorite "grocery store" yesterday morning, the Food Mart attached to the gas station on the way to school. His favorite gal was there, the one that said he makes her day whenever he comes in. I could tell he made her day this time, too, his ADHD enthusiasm over-flowing all over the store. However, this time she looked at me, smiled and said, "I would imagine this makes for a very long day."
It's been a long day.
It's been a long nearly-18 years.
It's been a long 51 years. My "story" of accommodating for special-needs goes back way further than Wil.
Candace says something new and beautiful will come from this time of being in the desert, this time of "rest," renewal, re-examination.
I know that to be true.
6 comments:
Believe it, dear friend.
And it wouldn't hurt to go to a hotel for night. Ask me how I know.
Well, i have missed your writing and have wondered how you are doing. Maybe the anticipation of a long summer of having to be on duty makes you tired too. Hang in there!
I believe it is a time of Something Yet Unknown as well. To everything there is a season. Take care of yourself in this, and breathe. We love you.
I, too, reached blogging block. "Why do I do this?" "Who wants to read this guff anyway". Well you know, we are all in such admiration of you and we all care. Take heart, this too shall pass. Love, Ann xxx
And PS, welcome back.
Yes, Carrie. That is true. All the adages and colloquial expressions of how things pass are true. I know it's difficult to feel it now, but know that we can hold it for you while you walk through that sand.
Let us be your oasis....
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